


№ 161801

by stardustlings (kas2umi)



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: 5 Times, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, M/M, Parallel Universes, but not really?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-12-26 11:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18281774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kas2umi/pseuds/stardustlings
Summary: They wonder in how many other parallel universes differentthemare doing the exact same thing only the drinks are different or the air doesn't smell as much as despair and rain. In how many other places in the universe they're together forever.





	№ 161801

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [kpopolymfics2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/kpopolymfics2019) collection. 



> This fic was written for K-Pop Olymfics 2019 as part of Team Alternate Universe 1. Olymfics is a challenge in which participants write fics based on prompt sets and compete against other teams of writers, organized by genre. Competition winners are chosen by the readers, so please rate this fic using [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSerZ65s8mRZ2Fh5Jn_HXr8K8IlG_5er8T44SjLNsjzdbd0XuQ/viewform) !
> 
>  **Prompt:** ****  
> Kevin Oh – "Lover"  
> [lyrics](https://popgasa.com/2018/07/25/kevin-oh-lover-%EC%97%B0%EC%9D%B8/) **|** [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tL_vmjEAhA0) **|** [supplementary](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/fd/78/33/fd78331e11b1dfd48545a89ad1a8fb5e.jpg) \- [prompts](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/56/21/d7/5621d70410dc72d3f9f7af0c8290bffd.jpg)
> 
> __  
> **(a short thank you note)**  
>  _to my awesome team and the best partner in crime ever, p. this year's olymfics was more fun than ever and i wanna thank you all for making it happen, especially a certain treehouse for being so supportive♡ did it for #TeamInkigayoSandwich ! hope you'll enjoy my take on this prompt._

“I think you've had enough to drink.”

Yunho tries to recollect his thoughts just enough to shift the gaze from the palm encircling his wrist to look at Jaejoong's face. He was barely on his fourth shot and even though he'd started to feel that familiar buzz and warmth of alcohol in his veins, it was nowhere near enough to get him as drunk as Jaejoong thinks he is. He wonders for a second how he must be looking through Jaejoong's point of view and releases the grip on the glass, Jaejoong's palm doing the same.

That was the first thing Jaejoong had spoken in the last 20 minutes they've been sitting and silently tracking each other's movements and facial expressions. Jaejoong was smiling, albeit not his usual smile of happiness and content, but Yunho wanted to hold onto the fact that it was still technically one. Perhaps, in his mind somewhere deep underneath the pain and sadness and _familiarity_ they've cocooned themselves in, Yunho wanted to justify it all with just one smile. Truth is, it was a bitter one. It reminded him of the smiles of people who have given up and just dejectedly accepted that there was nothing else they could do to make it all better, to make them better. Yunho hated himself for it.

“I know we're both far from that tolerance we had in our twenties but I doubt couple of shots will make us lose our minds Jaejoong-ah.”

Yet another thing Yunho hated himself for. You see, when there's one person you've spent almost a full third of your life with, through whatever life decided to thrown in your path, it was as natural as breathing to go back to that familiarity you've both grown accustomed to. How could someone just go back to stiff and stoic hellos and even more formal goodbyes when, at the top of his head, Yunho could list ten different nicknames he'd given Jaejoong - one for each year of them knowing each other.

Jaejoong laughed throatily while running a hand through his hair.

“We did have a high alcohol tolerance back in those days, didn't we? I remember drinking five beers and half a bottle of that awful vodka you had in your studio apartment and then beating you in naming capital cities without even thinking about it.”

Yunho remembers that night as well. Or more like those two weekend days they've spent hollered in his place with nothing but booze, ramen and some really questionable picks for ‘song of the hour' blasting on his single working computer speaker. Then _that_ night, cold and misty Sunday evening on the jail room of a balcony he had, was a night of revelations as they referred to it later on.

Jaejoong was babbling about some of his classes and the most recent info he had about different theories of something physics related when Yunho cornered him against the railing and kissed him like the world was about to end at midnight.

“That's only because I let you win. In what universe do you think it's possible for you to know the capitals of the world better than me?”

The look of playfulness and glee in Jaejoong's eyes was yet just another reminder of how easy it would be to fall back into that old, well practiced routine of push and pull they've had going on for years. Only it was Jaejoong who most of the times allowed himself to be pulled in instead of pushing away when he should have. It was one of the reasons Yunho loved him so damn much.

“Well, Yunho-yah, possibilities are endless. If there's one universe where I'm not better than you at something, there are thousands of others where i kick ass at it. It's science.”

Yunho wanted to believe that. He wanted to know for certain that for each universe in which he's hurt Jaejoong there are countless others where he's the one being left in pain and sorrow. For each tear this Jaejoong, _his_ Jaejoong had spilled there's an ocean somewhere out there being filled with Yunho's own.

“Well if that's true I just hope for the greater good, or should I say some average sum score of all Jaejoongs out there, they're a lot smarter than the one in this universe.”

This time that smile is genuine. And it's all Yunho can hold onto as he reaches for that abandoned glass and downs the colored liquid.

 

 

_**№ 36526** _

Jaejoong rushes by a couple pacifying an infant on his way to board the ship, and if the hologram in his right palm is as punctual as it was made to be, he was a good ten minutes late already. When he woke up that morning, it was to a chill overcoming his body in empty and cold sheets - Yunho probably having gone to work earlier than usual. Jaejoong instantly regrets not waking up earlier to finish their conversation from last night but perhaps it was a good thing not to have another argument before they both had to get to work. Getting up had been a hassle with no morning coffee to wake his senses and the lukewarm shower was of no particular use either; it was just one of _those_ days.

Rushing through the gate and flashing his credentials for a split second brought him to almost closing doors of the ship's boarding entrance and he sighed in relief and exhaustion as the doors closed behind him. He had to be extra thankful for the lack of punctuality of IO's commercial fleet.

Finding his seat, he buckled himself up and looked up the notes for today's meeting on his holographic tab. He had an hour or so before they were to dock into the eastern quadrat station on Mars and then just enough time for a cup of coffee before the actual meeting. Checking the notifications, he opened the most recent message from Yunho explaining how he had to rush extra early for a briefing before his fleet was scheduled to roam the parameter around one of Pluto's moons for the remainder of the shift and that they'll talk once he's back. Jaejoong would love to be _that guy_ and call bullshit on his excuse for leaving before Jaejoong could utter anything coherent related to their fight from the previous night but _that_ would be bullshit. He contemplates on sending a reply but decides against it just as the ship is disengaged from the dock and onto it's route.

-

It is half an hour into the meeting about the expanse of his firm's colony on IO that they're interrupted by one of the assistants rushing in and sliding the live news broadcast onto the panel of the project's 3D model.

_‘At 0946 sol this morning Jupiter's 7th Alliance Fleet was reported to have been attacked somewhere near the asteroid belt. Newest reports are coming in with information that the fleet's AI systems have been a target of a terrorist attack which has, so far, not been connected to any known anti-sol organization. Reports are saying that over 27 Jupiter's Alliance pilots have been on board of the fleet carriers and so far there are no news of survivors. The attack has been...’_

Jaejoong had stopped listening after the first sentence.

-

 

 

Yunho tried not to get distracted by the sound of rain against the plastic cerade above their heads. The food stand was just like any other you'd come across in the street and he really didn't know why they chose this particular one. He doesn't recall having eaten there before with Jaejoong or perhaps that was one of the events that have slipped his mind, just like many others.

Jaejoong was now the one beating him in shots. Those first few were now in double digits and if it weren't for the rain and the overall feeling of dampness and chill, Yunho knew they'd be drunk by now. The conversation (or in a way the lack of it) had now shifted to work and cramped office cubicles filled with research papers and data collection.

Jaejoong excelled at his job. Yunho knew that even before their relationship shifted from mere friendship into something more serious. And it was simply a fact that Jaejoong was better than Yunho in great portion of things, even though he often begged to differ.

He wanted to use that as an excuse, he really did. It was cowardly and unfair- for sure, but it would mean that he didn't have to honestly offer a solid reason for everything that's happened between the recently or the lack thereof. Yunho knew that he was the one to blame and as adult as he should act, he couldn't stand that fact.

The first time he'd felt nothing after replying to one of Jaejoong's ‘ _i love you_ ' was almost a year ago. He chalked it up to familiarity and habit but from that moment on, it grew like a nasty seed of doubt inside his mind; flourishing something short of four months ago.

How does one go from great friends to lovers for years and then just stop _feeling_ what they're supposed to for the other person? Yunho had no answer and had long since stopped searching for it.

“I should be able to move the other half of my things by the end of the month. I'm signing the downpayment for a place this week. “

Jaejoong offers a light smile and a nod in return. Yunho wants to crawl out of his skin and slide into the sewer overflowing with rain down the road. He'd be lying if he said that the way Jaejoong took things so far did not anger him. He wanted the other man to shout, break things and punch him until his knuckles bleed, until his throat hurt from hateful things being thrown at Yunho. He wanted any other reaction but this dejected, calm one, even though he knew he didn't deserve it.

Jaejoong was the one with more faith in them than anyone else. He was the one looking at Yunho with stars in his eyes and words of ‘ _we'll always make it, it's meant to be'_ while everyone around them fell apart, healed then fell in love one more time.

Jaejoong was the one who pulled him up from the mess his emotions and mental state were all those years ago, and yet Yunho couldn't find it in himself to continue like this.

It wasn't fair to either of them.

 

 

_**№ 5049** _

There's only three seats occupied as Yunho enters the bus and immediately sits in the fourth row behind the driver; the whole front of the vehicle otherwise empty. He scoots as close as possible against the window and keeps his hoodie low.

The taillights of cars rushing by leave almost a mesmerizing glow as he stares through the wet and foggy glass panel of the bus and if he were in any better mood he might've appreciated the beauty of Seoul’s nightlife.

His thoughts go back to his parents; his mother crying and thrashing on the floor of their livingroom and his father's expressionless face as he sat in his sofa next to her. He could almost taste the bitterness of her words and the venom that was coming out with them as much as he feels the metallic taste of blood from where the inside of his left cheek had clashed against teeth after she's slapped him before he turned around and closed the door behind him.

Yunho always prided himself in being a realist, even at only twenty years of age, and he knew that those reactions were exactly what was going to happen. He just wished he could've changed the circumstances in which they found out his preference of gender.

The bus makes a stop and Yunho hears two of the occupants in the back disembark and another pair of footsteps coming in and unsurprisingly making way towards the front. It was too much to hope for no one around him as he drove around the city thinking of a way to make it all better and to make it all just _stop._

The new occupant, a boy, he sees out of the corner of his eye, sits at the third row diagonally from him back against the window. He hears a dejected sigh leaving his lips and wonders if the night is shitty as hell for him as well. Curiosity getting the best of him, he turns his head and looks up only to freeze as his gaze meets the other's.

Yunho calculates. What were the chances of them looking at each other at the exact same time? At his reluctance to break the gaze the other boy winces in something akin to sympathy; Yunho thinks he must've caught sight of the blooming bruise on his cheek. He takes in the other's appearance for a second and finally drops his head.

Would it be too much to hope for someone against his side? Someone he chose and someone who chose him back? Someone whose hair would be soft to the touch and chest flat and firm beneath his palm. Someone perhaps like the boy sitting diagonally from him. He thinks then what must he look like to the other one; head bent low with shades of purple on his face, hoodie obscuring any view and preventing any possible interaction.

Could he see how broken inside he feels and does he know just how easy would it be to mend those pieces back into one again? Or is Yunho to him just another person he'd passed by in public transport offering a polite smile as genuinely good people do?

Yunho stops contemplating the possible what-ifs as the bus makes another stop, and he takes off into the now rainy night.

Who is he to ruin someone else's life just to mend his own? That voice inside his head whispers _nothing_ and _no one_ and Yunho is long gone before the sound of tires against wet asphalt breaks the staccato of the rain.

-

 

 

“Do you honestly think somewhere out there is another pair of us as madly in love as the first day?”

Yunho knows he's drunk and he's letting the alcohol speak.

“The math would claim so. But who knows? What if Yunho № something is not as handsome to the other Jaejoong? Pft, he wouldn't spare you a look. “

They both laugh at that.

“Well I for a fact can claim that any other Yunho would never pass by other Jaejoongs. They'd be crazy to. “

There's fondness in Jaejoong's eyes at those words but when Yunho subconsciously leans over the table to pull him in for a kiss Jaejoong's ‘ _don't'_ rings loud and clear even in the now deafening downpour.

Yunho just wonders when did the rain leak through the roof and onto their faces.

 

 

_**№ 9177** _

Keeping the Knowledge of The Library intact was never an easy job. If he were to forget the years of training he had to undergo to even be eligible for the position of the Keeper, Jaejoong really couldn't remember who he was before becoming one. Groomed from childhood as the 37th successor from his family line, all he ever really knew was training, etiquette and reading. A shitload of reading. Somewhere, amongst all of those leather covered notebooks he had filled over the years were records of each and every book, document and map he'd read and memorized by heart. Even though it was one of the requirements of being a Keeper, Jaejoong actually liked that part.

As an only child in a family where used to be many, he was bound to have a lonely childhood. At times he wondered if having siblings would have meant more carefreeness and actual child-like joy, but it would only make him feel far worse.

Still, at the age of twenty-five and currently sitting at the only desk in The Library, Jaejoong couldn't find anything in his past he would've actually changed.

The Library gave him everything. Knowledge, power and a sense of meaning in life. He was one of the rare few that have ever gotten to hold an actual book in their hands; the purpose of The Library being keeping and storing all the knowledge of the world, and by words of some of his predecessors, the whole Universe.

Even after ten years of roaming The Library and mapping the place inside his head (no records of The Library's size were ever allowed to be made) he still had trouble navigating the long rows that seemed to stretch to infinity. He never seemed to manage to reach the end of those rows; the narrow pathways interlacing and somewhat connecting into a never ending line.

The wooden rows always carried a scent of old age and dust. Even after a fresh shower he'd somehow always manage to soak in that fragrance of something ancient as The Library itself was. And in fact no one actually knew when or how it had been built; that piece of information getting lost after generations of Keepers have had their turn in protecting its knowledge.

There was just one _major_ problem with working at The Library.

The Knowledge Thiefs.

Jaejoong first heard of them at seven years of age, from his great-grandfather who was a Keeper until his eyes turned white and he no longer knew the difference between light and dark. It was told as a story of how centuries before their family had given their first Keeper, a Knowledge Thief almost managed to destroy hundreds of prehistoric documents, before being caught and burnt at the stake.

They were the reason all future Keepers were required to go through excessive physical and mental training. Jaejoong never actually found out how the Knowledge Thief even managed to enter the library and what happened to the Keeper at the time.

Shaking himself from such thoughts he made way towards the furthest easter corner to fetch one of the old books of poetry. He'd been intending to read it for some time now, the fact that the author was unknown even after all the years it's been sitting on the dusty shelf of The Library. Moment like these were the ones he was most grateful for - him as the only person in the world with access to something so rare and beautiful. Jaejoong had only heard legends and myths of The Great Purge eons ago when every piece of paper with anything written on it ended up in one place, creating The Library. He could almost sympathize with the Knowledge Thieves; he would probably want a piece of the books for himself if he didn't have access to them either.

Only a few moments pass by after he's seated in his chair when there's a noise coming from the south side of The Library. Confused and on alert, Jaejoong picks up his weapons from the compartment covered in cobwebs and slowly makes way towards the noise.

He could hear a voice speaking something in Latin or perhaps one of the old Slavic languages and the confusion only grew stronger - no one could speak those languages but the Keepers. And just as he rounded the 12th row on the eastern side Jaejoong froze.

There at the floor between the rows sat a person, stacks of books by his sides.

-

Yunho, as Jaejoong finds out the person's name was, was the third son from a family line that never got to chance to give Keepers. The man explained how for years he'd been hoping that one day he'd have all the time in the world for the Knowledge of The Library and how his dream had fallen apart when his family failed at being the next successor as the Keepers.

Jaejoong understood completely. The pain he'd feel if he were to somehow stop being a Keeper, the sorrow of never again being able to read and learn - it was something that Jaejoong couldn't even imagine and it was the reason he took pity on Yunho.

From that day onward, Yunho would sleep in a remote part of The Library Jaejoong used to reconstruct torn books and documents. Early in the morning and late afternoon Jaejoong would share his meals with Yunho and look in awe as Yunho shared stories with him; some Jaejoong hadn't gotten a chance to read yet.

And Yunho would read him poetry. Ah, Jaejoong loved Yunho's voice reading him pages and pages of soft lines and emotion, of love and tragedy and pain. Yunho would sometimes look straight into his eyes and recite, knowing the lines by heart and Jaejoong's own would skip a beat. When Yunho smiled at him as he dropped a stack of books onto the floor, Jaejoong shivered. And when he felt the other's hands on his body for the first time; pressing against his lower abdomen and lifting the soft tunic of his shirt ever so gently, Jaejoong finally realised what _seeing stars_ meant.

And the kiss? Their first kiss and each one that followed until they were both a panting mess on the soft mattress of Yunho's makeshift bed, matched the description of how the myths say The Universe came to be.

-

It is almost two moons later that Jaejoong is awoken in an empty bed by the awful smell and smoke burning his lungs and in a daze he exits through the only door of The Library before they too are engulfed in flames.

In pain he watches as the night sky is lit up with what seemed to be an endless sea of fire and smoke. And in tears - in tears when he sees Yunho staring at the same sky as Jaejoong, a small box of matches clutched in his tar covered hands.

It is the exact moment Jaejoong fully understands the definition of _heartbreak._

-

 

 

Yunho knew that Jaejoong must've sensed it. The change in him, the change in the way he did things around Jaejoong. The change in fis feelings for the other man. But the thing is, even when you stop loving someone in a certain way doesn't necessarily have to mean that you've stopped loving them altogether, and Yunho knew it to be true.

Their ride earlier in the day, silly talks about adventures they've been onto and funny things they've done together- it was a somber ride down memory lane. It was two lovers facing their final obstacle together and it would be a lie to say it didn't hurt.

Yunho never wants to forget the smile on Jaejoong's face against the open window as they drove away from the beach.

“I love you.” He says and it carries more meaning than ever in the past year. “A part of me, a part of my heart, will always have your name written over it and-”

“Yunho-yah, you don't have to say that. I'm not a kid, and neither are you. We both know there's no such thing as always and forever. There's just _now_ and how we cope with what it carries.”

There's a moment of silence.

“I changed. Something changed. But that doesn't change the fact that I loved you more than anything in my life from when we began until now.”

“Why does it feel like you're trying to make yourself feel better about this? I'm not, mad, Yunho. Angry, yes. Mostly at myself. And at life and a thousand other things. But not you. I can't be because that would be unfair as we're both guilty of this coming to an end in such a way.”

“I'll be okay,” Jaejoong continues. “You'll be okay.”

“I wanted to give you everything, I hope you know that.”

“Well,” Jaejoong smiles with fondness and drinks half of the liquid in his glass, “I guess you were just crazy for a moment.”

 

 

**№ 15926**

“Shouldn't you be, I don't know, fucking off or something?”

Yunho regretted his words as soon as they’ve left his mouth. He watched as Jaejoong's eyes filled with tears but before he could grab the other's arm Jaejoong was out through the door of his dorm room.

He sighed in defeat and slumped to the floor. They've been arguing for almost an hour about _what_ they were and Jaejoong wanting to put a name on whatever it was they had going at that point.

It was not that Yunho didn't want to be in a relationship with Jaejoong. They were in one for quite some time now but why would it be so damn important to let everyone else know they're dating and fucking behind closed doors? Yunho couldn't understand that. And when Jaejoong asked him _‘Shouldn't you be worrying more about how all this hiding around is making me feel?’_ Yunho's first instinct was to reply with venom.

And now, running down the stairs in hope of catching up to the other and apologizing for what he'd said, Yunho hoped he could take back his words and kiss him instead.

He crashed into him in the building's hall and tried to catch his breath. Jaejoong’s eyes were red and already puffed up when their eyes met and Yunho took a deep breath.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I really am I shouldn't have said that I was just-”

“You were just what, Yunho? Angry? That's not an excuse and you should know that.”

Yunho noticed more than few pair of eyes on them and thought about how they must look like, Jaejoong with teary eyes and Yunho towering over him.

“Come back to my room and we'll talk this through. People are beginning to stare. “

Jaejoong scoffed. “So what? Scared people might find out that, _shocker,_ two guys are in a relationship?”

Yunho's eyes widened in alarm. “Jaejoong please keep your-”

“Kiss me.” After Yunho stared at him unmoving Jaejoong repeated. “Kiss me now, here, and I'll forget we even had a fight today. Otherwise, you can forget i even exist.”

Yunho was still frozen in spot as Jaejoong's arm slipped from his grasp and he stared at his back and Jaejoong left the building.

-

 

 

In universe № 161801 Jaejoong finally stands up and leaves. Yunho remains seated, eyes fixated onto the half empty glass from across the table and the only evidence of rain ever falling are the droplets from the roof barely making a sound as they fall against the concrete floor.

He leans fully into the chair and throws his head back.

He knows that what he had with Jaejoong comes once in a lifetime. There's a mix of pain, anger and sadness cooking slowly inside his chest and he tries his best not to cry. The look on Jaejoong's face as he said goodbye and softly ran his fingers through Yunho's hair one last time as if he couldn't help himself plays in his mind on loop.

He wonders in how many other parallel universes different Jaejoong has done the exact same thing but followed it with a well practiced kiss against Yunho's lips and there's no rain just warm rays of sun making shadows of their tangled bodies.

In how many other places in the universe they're together forever, even if it's just one.

 

 

-

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a sucker for sad prompts and i just had to write this one... apart from the prompt, the au settings of this work were inspired by the playful premise of alternate realities in both the original and remakes of skam, a norwegian tv show (which saved my life essentially). if you've enjoyed it that much to leave a comment - awesome! otherwise, please rate this fic using [this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSerZ65s8mRZ2Fh5Jn_HXr8K8IlG_5er8T44SjLNsjzdbd0XuQ/viewform) ☆!


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